Guest Post: Good Girls Don't Write About Decapitations

Lisa Huberman is the author of the horror play Heart/Succor, which premiered at Fresh Blood in July 2012. Her monologue Easy Breezy Blood-Sucking was performed at Bloody Gore-geous Monologues in February 2013. -KP

The scariest movie I ever saw as a kid was The Little Mermaid.

That’s weird, right? For most people it’s something like It or Halloween or the wood-chipper scene from Fargo. Straight-up horror never really appealed to me-- I guess I’ve always liked being different. 

As a plucky redhead with ambitions of being a singer, it’s not hard to see why I identified with the fiery, headstrong Ariel. Just like Ariel felt out of place in her undersea world, I felt out of place in suburban Ohio. Plus she had an irrational attachment to her collection of useless shit—a legacy that I carry on to this day, much to my dad’s chagrin. 

Looking back to the film there’s lot that’s cringe-worthy. Take awkward 90s-era racism with the red-lipped “blackfish” in the “Under the Sea” sequence. Then there’s the regressive gender politics. Unlike the sensible, level-headed Belle and the cool, acerbic Jasmine of later Disney films, who keep their romantic counterparts at bay with their wits, Ariel is kind of the worst romantic role model ever. Girlfriend is so boy-crazy she puts herself and her entire marine kingdom in jeopardy for the self-centered pursuit of a dude with whom she has literally never had a conversation.

Ariel refuses to take "He's just not that into fish," for an answer.

But while the film is not perfect, for me it’s also extremely primal. Despite the rousing, reggae numbers, the Kingdom of Triton is an extremely dangerous one. Not only does King Triton face constant threats to the peace from below the sea in Ursula the sea witch (whose death scene I’ve commented on previously), but also from the human world above. When arguing with Ariel about whether she should be allowed to go to above the surface, Triton cries something to the affect of, “Do you think I want my daughter snared in some fisherman’s hook?” 

Their whole conflict is meant to be metaphorical— in Ariel, we’re supposed to see the typical teenage girl struggling with her father about questions of prejudice and parental control. But for some reason, at six or seven, this image gripped me. And while the film itself never put Ariel in any real danger, Sebastian spends an entire song fleeing the knife of a French chef, and misses being devoured by Prince Eric’s manservant by a heartbeat. The idea that in another version of the story, Ariel— who I had come to know, love and-- could be captured by a fisherman and gutted and devoured like just another fish fascinated terrified, and disturbed me. 

Guest Post: The 10 Best Slashers in a Post-Scream World

Tyler Grimes is the author of the horror plays Meat (read at Fresh Blood September 2012) and 5D. This is his first Guest Post for La Petite Blog - hopefully, his first of many. -KP

On December 20, 1996 (when I was a lad of 6 summers) murder occurred in the horror cinema. With the release of Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson’s fast-talking, blood-spilling, eye-winking, Jamie-Kennedy-featuring Scream came the unofficial death of the “slasher film.” 

Craven, fresh off story credits in a long stint of increasingly absurd and inaccessible Nightmare on Elm Street sequels found Williamson’s script, which meticulously deconstructed the very genre Craven had made a name for himself in, and it was a match made in the underworld.  It followed high school student and local celebrity Sidney Prescott, as a costumed killer dubbed “Ghostface” begins to butcher his way through the Woodsboro High School yearbook, eventually setting his sights on Sidney. After famously killing off the film’s biggest star in the opening scene, Craven and Williamson let audiences know they were in for something they had never experienced before.

Only we weren’t. The true success of Scream is that we see nothing we haven’t seen before while seeing everything we’ve never seen before. The film works a lot like a puppet show. You can focus on the marionettes or you can follow the strings and focus on the person manipulating the puppets.  Borrowing from a formula first played around with in 1991’s There’s Nothing Out There, Williamson’s script poked fun at the tropes that had dominated the slasher genre since it first came into being with Michael Powell’s Peeping Tom. We have an innocent leading lady (Neve Campbell), an aloof boyfriend (Skeet Ulrich), a cutthroat reporter (the incredible Courtney Cox), bumbling detective (played brilliantly by David Arquette), an iconic killer, a great whodunit mystery, and other stereotypes that dominated the genre since it became mass-produced in the 70’s. 

What separates Scream from the rest of the bunch is the character Randy (Jamie Kennedy), a know-it-all movie geek that epitomized 90’s culture. Randy is a big reason this movie works, because as the movie progresses he’s pointing out what would happen "if this were a horror film". This is also borrowed from There’s Nothing Out There, only done much better here. (Plus, Matthew Lillard in the last 20 minutes of the movie is sensational. Find me a more reckless performance that lands that well this side of a Nic Cage movie and I’ll give you $5!) Randy, and the film’s ability to be self aware, occasionally brings Scream into laugh territory, and to call the movie a horror comedy is not entirely too far off. Scream is steeped in Williamson’s genuine love for slasher films but like the Wizard of Oz, when the curtain is up and the man revealed, it’s hard to ever go back to the way things were. Such was the case with the slasher genre following Scream.

Randy explains the until-then-unwritten rules of horror cinema.

How do you make a scary movie when audiences now know all the secrets (Scream pulled in $173 million at the box office)? It was difficult and no slasher film will ever truly stand on its own in the post-Scream era, but this blog post will attempt to highlight 10 of my favorite slasher films to come out of the Hollywood machine since 1996.

Blog For Us!

We're recruiting bloggers! If you would like to write a guest post for La Petite Blog, drop us a line at: lapetitemorgue@gmail.com 

Possible topics include: 

• Reviews of horror theatre
• Posts about live horror events
• Reviews of haunted houses or horror attractions
• Reviews of horror movies, especially indie horror
• Reviews of horror TV shows
• Short features on - or interviews with - horror writers in any genre
• Recommendations within a sub-genre ("5 Ghost-Hunting Reality Shows That Will Actually Scare You", etc.)
• Zombie survival and preparedness
• We're open to your suggestions!

COMING SOON (to terrify you)

THE BEST OF FRESH BLOOD
April 5-7, Friday, Saturday & Sunday at 8pm

Alchemical Theatre Laboratory - Studio A - 137 West 14th Street

BUY TICKETS:

https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pe/9756573

Lovesick
Written by Christine Croyden
Directed by Chelsea Holland

Hold Still
Written by Kellie Powell
Directed by Shannon Lippert

Wolfsbane
Written by Shannon Lippert
Directed by Kellie Powell

Bloody Mary
Written by Aleks Merilo
Directed by Shannon Lippert

Starring:
 Eleanor Arculus
Trystin Bailey
Joe Caintic
Tim Elliott
Alex Hinson
Caitlin Johnston
Adriana Jones
Molly Lisenco
Joel Piper
Vito Trigo
Rachel Tynes
Amanda White

Coming Soon... Troma Takes Over!

My apologies that the next Top 10 List, Top 10 Final Girls will not be ready this afternoon. I will totally have it up by the end of this weekend. Unfortunately I'm a bit crazed at the moment with this:

As some of you know, I worked on Troma's Return to Nuke 'Em High this past summer and I'm so proud of the movie. We are looking to take it to Cannes and basically start an independent film revolution and kind of stick it to the uptight studio execs who will be at Cannes. If that kind of thing is your bag, please join us on Saturday at Culture Fix from 2 PM-2AM. Booze! Music! Stand-Up! Art!

If drinking for 12 hours is not your liver's thing, please feel free to come by any time between 2 PM and 2AM.

Hope to see some of you there!

5 Things To Watch on Netflix This Valentine's Day!

Whether you're single and bitter or coupled up and obnoxiously happy, I think we can all agree that Valentine's Day is kinda lame. Don't get me wrong, finding someone who tolerates and even loves your quirks and neuroses is rare and should be celebrated. But this celebration should occur organically, when the mood strikes- not when commercials and pop-up ads are forcing flowers and candy down our throats. That being said, I do love me some conversation hearts.

Like Kellie mentioned in her earlier post, she and I share a tradition of watching horror movies on Valentine's Day. This fun tradition started on a snowy Valentine's Day back in Binghamton, when we were both single, bitter and the recipients of two oversized stuffed crocodiles gifted to us by a non-single friend (an attempt to make us feel better about being alone, and instead caused us to feel more alone). Watching young, attractive, often annoying young people getting hacked up on the screen can certainly make a grumpy single feel better about their solo status, but it's equally fun to cuddle up under a blanket with your sweetie and watch something that gets both of your hearts racing. Here are my picks for what to watch tonight- these movies and shows can all be found on Netflix Instant!

MY BLOODY VALENTINE

While the 3-D remake was cheesy fun, it can't touch the original in terms of thrills and chills. There's so much that I love about this movie, but I think what I love the most is the incredibly effective, claustrophobic setting of the mines. This is the PERFECT movie to watch tonight as it takes place on Valentine's Day and much of the story revolves around a love triangle between a young woman, her mysterious ex and her new boyfriend. DRAMA! This movie has some seriously awesome kills and don't dare turn it off before the credits, because it contains one of THE most awesome songs in 80's slasher history.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ever since Chelsea and I went to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre together on February 14, 2004, I have tried to celebrate every Valentine's Day with a horror movie - often, with several. It probably began as an attempt to rebel against the established holiday by bitterly embracing my singledom, but I have continued the tradition even though I'm now in a relationship. (My fiancee loves zombie movies, so that helps.)

Several months ago when I wrote my Top 15 Horror Movies List, I included a little gem called Valentine. In my opinion, it is the perfect slasher flick to watch today - with a significant other, a good friend, or the stuffed alligator that your well-meaning friend gave you as a Valentine's Day pity gift. (He is eating a heart with his giant, pointy teeth!)

And remember:
"The journey of love is an arduous trek, 
My love grows for you as you bleed from your neck!"

<3,
LPM